I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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