I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
