You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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