It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
handjob tips. give me some.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
