were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
