my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
