i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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