im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
