I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
