Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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