We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
