ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
