on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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