never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
