So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
