if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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