oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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