my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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