I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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