Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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