youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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