a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
