i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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