I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
