Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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