since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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