all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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