the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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