Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
