I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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