um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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