does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
