Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
