I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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