I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am available for nakedness
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
