life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
