oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
