i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
