I'm eating all of the evidence.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
