i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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