By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
