after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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