Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
