FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
