you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
