oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
