I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
