the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
