Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
