I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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