My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
