The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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