I just pynch a tree in the face
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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